Having lived here for 6 years, married the love of my life, become a father to a wonderful son and fathered 2 gorgeous daughters, I can definitely confirm that America is indeed the land of opportunity!
However, there are things out there that can eat you!
Now some may call me a coward. If ignoring conventional wisdom of what I should do if ever I was to encounter a bear (shout, make myself bigger etc) and know that I would most likely instead cry out hysterically for my mother, then a coward be I!
Admittedly I grew up in a country with no native predators, which makes living in a country where there are beasts that can hunt you from the land, sea and sky somewhat of an alien concept. However and this may be the coward in me – if you know they’re out there, why go and join them?!
My experiences are numerous so far. The surfers who go into the water off the Californian coast, when there are signs clearly advertising that they are likely to be joined out there by a Great White shark. The hikers who have regaled me with stories about bears outside their tents in Yellowstone. The joggers who plod their way through wooded areas, hearing the sounds of mountain lions and coyotes as they run.
Work colleagues tell me I’m stupid (amongst other things); that there is nothing to be scared of. Then we hear on the local news about a bear seen in our local park! As I tell my friends, the neurotic Brit in me knows that while they may have survived their individual brushes with the native wildlife, I know for a fact that should I put one foot out there in the big bad wilderness, I’ll be eaten for sure. Indeed, that’s if I’m not eaten while taking my kids to the park!
Therefore, I’m here to announce 2 things!
Firstly – a coward I may be, but a live coward I plan to remain. The Discovery Channel will allow me to explore the ocean. A room with a balcony in a hotel at Yellowstone will do me just fine! I’ll buy a house with a big yard and play structure – who needs a park?!
Secondly – my announcement of one of the main platforms that I will run on when pursuing the Presidency (once a non US born citizen can be elected).
Here in Washington State, the biggest mountain is Mount Ranier. As with all big mountains across the country, I’ll have a fence built, have the animals rounded up and put behind it. All those that want to go and see them – have at it. In the meantime, I and the millions like me (well, maybe just me) can live safe in the knowledge that monsters there may be, but at least they will be ‘there’ and not ‘here’!
Can we do it? Yes we can!